Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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