When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
