Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
