there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize