I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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