i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
