You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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