Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
