I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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