remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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