Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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