i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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