Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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