Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
