My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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