Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize