Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
