PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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