It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
