yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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