Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
