Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
