ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
