i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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