Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
