shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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