I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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