Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
