I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
