I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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