he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
