my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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