So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
