i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
