i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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