possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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