I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
