lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize