Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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