just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
did i just pee glitter
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
