i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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