I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
