I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
