yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
