Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can I color on your dick again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
