he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
