his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
