he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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