I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
