i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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