It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize