No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
