No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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