I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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