I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
