He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize