I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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