girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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