im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am puke
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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