I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
