Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my poor anus
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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