blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
