i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
