You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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