Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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