Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
