dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
