Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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