Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
