That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
