The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
