so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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